NOTE: A different version of this is posted on AL.com here.
One day recently, I happened to be hanging around with myself and overheard some of the things I say. I’m a fan of Steven Wright so some sounded like him. Some sounded like Mark Twain on a day when he wasn’t feeling well. Will Rogers? Well Will he?
Anyway here they are. My joy would be that you stick them on that refigerator called Facebook.
- I have a memory disorder. I remember things before they happen. After they happen? Not so much.
- Heard of food for thought? Well I’ve got some thoughts give me some food.
- One of the symptoms of Lewy body dementia is hallucinations. I had one yesterday but it turned out I was dreaming that I was hallucinating.
- Digital divide, digital first, digital upload, middle digital.
- Life is what happens when you’re sitting in traffic.
- I’m learning to feel deja vu on demand.
- I know it sounds paranoid, but I’m paranoid.
- I believe in God because I don’t want to have to learn quantum physics.
- Think quickly, speak slowly
- I don’t want to get out of my comfort zone.
- Where is my comfort zone?
- Eat early and often.
- Love is not saying you have a pimple on your nose. But do you have to say your sorry if you do?
- Freedom is just another word for having left your cell phone at home.
- Dylan said you got to keep on keeping on but I’m not sure what I’m keeping on.
- I like writing quotes from myself because I don’t have to fact check them.
- A simile is like a word/ a metaphor is a word. That’s my analogy anyway.
- Mark Twain said everything except for those things Will Rogers said.
- My guilty pleasure philosopher is Socrates because he was too lazy to write all of his sayings down. Instead, he enlisted Aristotle and Plato.
- Steven Wright asks if you are in a spaceship going the speed of light, what happens when you turn the lights on.? I ask what happens if your going the speed of sound and you turn the radio on?
- I see a lot of dogs walking people these days.
If you like those, then, well, read them again. I got no more. At least right now.